Resiliency means never giving up, never losing hope and pushing forward until you meet your goals even through struggles and hardship. Wouldn't it be amazing if we all had it? Well resiliency can be taught and I'm going to talk today about how to teach it to your child.
Teach your kids feeling words. I don't just mean happy or sad. There are so many more. Teach them what frustration, disappointment, excitement, thankful, silly, mad etc. looks like and feels like. The best, best, best way to teach children that is to read them books that describe these feelings at their level. A book that I read to younger children is called, "The Way I Feel" by Janan Cain. This book uses expressive and colorful pictures which help children to connect the word with the feeling. This book helps children to improve their "feeling vocabulary," which is a great first step in building resiliency.
Teach your kids to recognize and name their feelings. When kids and adults for that matter can recognize and name their feelings, they will have a much easier time regulating their emotions. Once your child can recognize and name their feeling, they are on their way to the next step.
Help your child to connect those feelings to specific strategies that will help them cope with their feelings in a productive way. For example, a child might recognize that they are feeling anxious and learn that talking to their parent or listening to their favorite song, might help them relax, or that they are feeling angry and that riding their bike or going for a walk will help them feel better. Being able to manage our emotions is key in becoming resilient.
Help your child develop multiple coping strategies. What if your child learned multiple strategies when they are experiencing strong emotions so that they learn what works and what doesn't for them. This will also help them to learn what strategies can be used, depending on their environment...what may work at home, may not be possible at school etc. As parents, we can offer suggestions such as taking deep breaths (and teaching them the proper way), thinking about a happy memory or picturing a calming place. As your child masters these skills, you can start by asking them questions, like, "What do you think would help you to feel better right now? How can you help yourself becoming calmer?
Teach them when and how to ask for help. A resilient adult doesn't always come back from difficult situations all alone. Asking for help is key, and it doesn't come easily. Parents can help kids learn to ask for help by showing them what that looks like in their life, being transparent about times they've needed help from others and being welcoming and empathetic when kids come to them for help.
Give kids a chance to practice their life skills. While difficult times are filled with hardships, they can also bring opportunities to teach and model resilience. During the pandemic last spring, my family practiced new skills to cope with the situation. We started spending much more time together playing board games, hanging out in the backyard and planting in our garden to relieve stress. By living through this difficult time, we have all learned new coping skills that work for us and had a chance to practice them. As hard as it could be to watch, our children have to go through difficult situations and have uneasy feelings so they can learn to figure out what coping skills work best for them.
Kids develop resilience throughout their development, so try to be as supportive as possible while your child learns how to respond appropriately to difficult situations.
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